Boy writes book on dating

18-Sep-2015 20:27

Smiler’s latest book is “Dating and Sex: A Guide for 21st Century Teen Boys” (Magination Press).He has also authored more than 20 journal articles and book chapters relating to boys, men, sexual development and identity issues.

For boys, the questions about sexual consent, average penis size, how to ask someone on a date and how to decide when to have sex are often not asked and thus, unanswered.At the same time, survey after survey, regardless of whether we’re talking to eighth graders or tenth graders or twelfth graders, about 80-90 percent of teen boys and similar numbers of teen girls tell us that they’ve been in a romantic relationship of some sort.That’s a much higher percentage than the number of kids who have had sex at any given time or any given age. So boys are really kind of lacking a whole piece of education around how relationships work that girls get.This makes a lot of sense if you look at into the media content that’s geared toward teenage boys and compared to what’s geared toward teenage girls. If you look at shows that typically have female audiences, whether we’re talking “90210” or “Gilmore Girls” or “Pretty Little Liars,” that’s a substantial part of the conversation. As a therapist, what are some of the most common questions you get about dating and sex?If you’re watching shows or your sons are watching shows like “The Sweet Life of Zach and Cody” or if they’re watching “Harold and Kumar” or even the Avengers movies –there’s never any point in there where the guys actually talk about how relationships work. And I’m also curious how parents can use this book as a way to talk with their sons about this?

For boys, the questions about sexual consent, average penis size, how to ask someone on a date and how to decide when to have sex are often not asked and thus, unanswered.

At the same time, survey after survey, regardless of whether we’re talking to eighth graders or tenth graders or twelfth graders, about 80-90 percent of teen boys and similar numbers of teen girls tell us that they’ve been in a romantic relationship of some sort.

That’s a much higher percentage than the number of kids who have had sex at any given time or any given age. So boys are really kind of lacking a whole piece of education around how relationships work that girls get.

This makes a lot of sense if you look at into the media content that’s geared toward teenage boys and compared to what’s geared toward teenage girls. If you look at shows that typically have female audiences, whether we’re talking “90210” or “Gilmore Girls” or “Pretty Little Liars,” that’s a substantial part of the conversation. As a therapist, what are some of the most common questions you get about dating and sex?

If you’re watching shows or your sons are watching shows like “The Sweet Life of Zach and Cody” or if they’re watching “Harold and Kumar” or even the Avengers movies –there’s never any point in there where the guys actually talk about how relationships work. And I’m also curious how parents can use this book as a way to talk with their sons about this?

So as a therapist, I have a lot of conversations around those topics. How do feelings feed into those relationship dynamics?